Sunshine, Angel, Rainbow

Whipped Cream Paints!

Easy way to pass a cold winter (or spring if you're in Illinois) day with the kids! Mix one or two drops of food coloring in a cup with a few squirts of whipped cream. Strip the kids, put them in the tub and hand them some paintbrushes. Yummy, sticky and creative fun! And cleanup? Is a cinch since they're already in the tub!

Happy Rainbow Post Of Fluffy Bunnies

Alright. Okay. I'm going to stop writing about depression shit and start writing about happy, fluffy bunnies and rainbows today.

Not really, but I will share some insights on my lovely little babies.

Sadie: She is officially the big 5 and is so smart. She's been reading for about 6 months now and is getting better and better every day. We are going to register for kindergarten in a few weeks (WHAT?) and she is really excited to ride the big girl bus to school. I'm always proud of her for being awesome.

Landon: He is talking more and more as each day passes. His favorite words? Truck, truck and truck. But he's also starting to piece two and three words together and we've even been getting an "I wuv ooo" out of him once in a while. He is a giggly, happy, silly and spirited 1-year-old boy. And I love him with all my heart.

Exciting stuff, I know :)

Reflections in the window

It's not that I haven't had the time to write here more often, now that I think about it - I just don't have the energy to do it.

 For once, I'm up early and it's quiet and I'm alone. I was standing in the kitchen making my coffee and found myself looking at the reflection staring back at me in the window. I don't know her. I really don't know her at all.

This is all I can give right now. It's pathetic.

They have it better, at least.

It's been way too long and I've completely put off any writing here for fear of making public the secrets that will likely haunt my family for the rest of our lives. Every single day is a struggle. I can barely function. I'm losing my memory. And at night, I am haunted by dreams that are so vivid I wake up purely exhausted. I've been off the Ambien for a few weeks, but I'm not sure it's been a good idea - those pesky dreams. Erik's been unbelievably busy at the office which has left me home alone to fend for myself. We are really busy, but there are too many days where it takes every ounce of what's in me to simply roll out of bed and change a diaper. I wish I didn't sound as sad and depressed as I do, but fact is - I just am. The way my life has been flipped upside down and taken over by ghosts isn't how I had it planned. The only thing I can assure myself over and over is that my kids have it better. They have it better than we both did and I will continue to make damn sure of that for as long as they let me.

My interview with Sadie

What is something that makes mommy happy? Sadie: Sawyer What is something that makes mommy sad? Sadie: Sawyer How does mommy make you laugh? Sadie: Tickles! What was mommy like as a child? Sadie: Like me! How old is mommmy? Sadie: 30 or 32 How tall is mommy? Sadie: Really, really REALLY TALL What is mommy's favorite thing to do? Sadie: Play with me. Mommy? Can you play with us??? What does mommy do when you're not around? Sadie: Go to grandma's What is mommy really good at? Sadie: Baseball and soccer What is mommy not very good at? Sadie: The Cubs What does mommy do for her job? Sadie: Dishes What is mommy's favorite food? Sadie: Pancakes If mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? Sadie: Strawberry Shortcake What do you and mommy do together? Sadie: We play and we love little baby brothers How are you and mommy the same? Sadie: Same hands (which is so true by the way!) How are you and mommy different? Sadie: Our hairs are different and our arms are different How do you know mommy loves you? Sadie: Because you show the good way to love people. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? Sadie: The museum and the mall!

366 days

Landon can clap his hands. He can say hi, "what's that," mama, dada and scream - a LOT. He runs. If you ask him to go in a circle, he will spin in place. He does SO BIG and we taught him how to do "earmuffs" - it's pretty cute. The past 12 months has flown by. I'm so proud of my little boy!