Monday, Monday

Going back to the doctor tomorrow for another ultrasound, another biophysical profile, another consult...

I am just praying that this whole thing is better tomorrow. I'm praying that we'll go and everything will be back to the way it was a few weeks ago.

I hate having to leave Sadie for another week. I don't want to leave her and I just want us to have things back to normal. I want to go outside and play with her, pick out her clothes for the day, cuddle her when she's crying. This is so hard. I know it could be worse and I know I need to stay positive, and I am. But Sunday nights are the worst, because it means another 5 days till I see my baby again.

I told her tonight that we have to do this. She doesn't want to go to grandma's tomorrow - that's what she told me. I told her that we're doing this so that her brother doesn't get sick like she did - and Sadie said "okay mommy."

Everyone probably thinks I'm a completely insane, hormonal nutcase. I have a lot to be grateful for but this is hard. And it's sad most of all. I try to take naps during the day to pass the time, but I can't fall asleep because my mind is just thinking about a million different things. I really should just shut up and be thankful. I guess I want to know that it's okay if I feel thankful and sad all at the same time?