I hate this too Mammers

I can really only bitch on here because if I do it in another public forum, I feel like everyone will think I'm this ungrateful mother who doesn't know how to count her blessings.

Mammers came down with (seriously) hand, food and mouth disease (HFMD). Holy shit, is it awful. She has, not sores or blisters, but ulcers all over the back of her throat. I can't get her to eat or drink and giving Sadie her medicine is a battle within itself.

Ever since she was an infant - and I swear it's because she was in the NICU - giving her meds has been painful and heartbreaking process for us both. She fights and I have to hold her arms down under a pillow, then with my one free hand hold her mouth open (forcefully) and shove medicine down her throat. I HATE IT. Giving her medicine is so impossible at most times that I've resorted to Tylenol suppositories in most cases.

Now that Sawyer's gone, she's all I've got. And I hate seeing her so sick. I know she's not going to die. She'll be okay in a few days - but it is so hard as a mother to see your child suffer. I don't care how old they are. It's the second-worst thing next to losing your child. Trust me, I would know. And I can say that now with the utmost confidence. But, I wish I didn't have to.