Sunday, December 20, 2009

Maybe baby?

Every single day that goes by I am "feeling" more and more pregnant. My back aches, my boobs hurt, I have total morning sickness (not full-blown or nearly as bad as before). How could I not be at this point? Still have to wait 10 long days. I want to sleep, wake up and have it be the day we find out. In the meantime, I'll be praying to St Gerard (thanks S)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Mammer and Mommy time

This is what Sadie and I did today:

- Went to Alsip Nursery to look at the puppies
- Spent 20 minutes tossing pennies into fountains and making wishes
- Had our first-ever meal delivered on train wheels
- Snuggled
- Went to Jump-Up and jumped...a lot.
- Tickled each other
- Saw our neighbor's awesome Christmas display.
- Shared a scoop of chocolate ice cream.
- Giggled like we knew something no one else did.
- Smiled.

The VBAC issue...

In the midst of everything else, I forgot to write about my chances of having a VBAC which are looking slim at this point. The scarring from the original csection is pretty thick, so just based on that alone the doctor most-likely won't do a VBAC.

I really don't give a shit at this point either. Is that terrible?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Not a good appointment today

This is my therapy. Writing about what is going on is the only way I'm going to be able to deal with everything.

Had my first appointment today with my new doctor at the University of Chicago. We had the ultrasound first, then about a 40-min session with the nurse to get my history and then a long wait for the doctor. After about 20 minutes, the nurse came into the room and said that the doctor wanted to see me in her office, which at that moment - I knew something was wrong.

The ultrasound showed nothing. Now, it's early in the pregnancy (I'm about 5 weeks) but she said that they would at least have seen the amniotic sac by now. So the doctor kept pressing about the date of my last period (thinking I might be off which is why we didn't see anything) but the date was firm and she didn't seem too optimistic.

She said either I'm pregnant and VERY early or pregnant but something is very wrong. So I have to wait two weeks and then go back for another ultrasound to confirm what's going on. I have to watch for bleeding/cramping and she didn't even start me on the Lovenox injections which has me very concerned. She just told me to take a baby aspirin once a day and wait.

I can say that seeing Sadie after this appointment was the best remedy for a broken heart. No matter what, I'm thankful to God for such a loving, beautiful daughter. But, I can't say that the whole day was very bittersweet.

I posted my experience within the "Factor V Leiden and Pregnancy" group on Yahoo and am hoping and praying for similar stories with happy outcomes. I'm trying to remain very positive and at least I know I can get pregnant at this point.

The doctor was night and day compared to my old OBGYN. Things would definitely go a lot differently this time around as far as how we approach labor and delivery. A VBAC is only possible based off the amount of scarring on the incision too so I'm hopeful about that.

I'm so sad and angry and scared. My emotions are jumping all over the place. I'm trying not to stress out in case everything is okay, but it's really hard not to. We've been through some horrible things in the past, and we've turned out okay - just very blessed to have such an understanding husband in my life.

Hopefully my next update will be a happy one. Praying for a miracle

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The return of Baby W.

For those of you who actually read this blog (if any) I have a little bit of big news! I'm pregnant!

We were lucky on our first try and beyond happy. I think I'm even happier than last time just because I KNOW what to expect, how to stand up for myself and when to tell the doctor that they are just plain wrong.

Anywho, we're due sometime at the end of next summer, but the baby could come much sooner than that due to the usual complications from Factor V Leiden.

Keep it quiet till I post on my Facebook - which will probably be tomorrow if the ultrasound looks good. We'll take all the prayers we can get too for a much, MUCH better pregnancy and a HEALTHY baby.