Monday, January 16, 2012


We can't give love to others until we can purposefully give love to ourselves with all of our mind.

For the first time in almost two years, I told myself that I was well, happy and peaceful.

In that moment, while the sun was setting - I loved who I was.

And right now, at this moment? I miss feeling that way more than anything in the world.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ticking away the moments

I swear to God I've had literally no time to post here - or maybe I should say - limited time - since Landon arrived a little over 6 months ago.

Did I just write that? Six months?

Here are some random Lando stats:

Allergic to milk-protein and soy
On expensive, prescription formula
Already had a UTI and Pertussis (lucky me!)
Has TWO teeth that came in on the same day
Can say "mama" "dada" "nana" "lala"
Rolls from one place to another
His favorite toy is the Jumperoo
Loves taking naps with mommy

I couldn't be happier the past few months. Now that we've figured out some of Landon's quirks, likes and dislikes - it's been pretty smooth-sailing.

Sadie has taken on the role of "big sister" in ways that I never could have imagined. She loves her brother so much and looks forward to the moment he wakes up in the morning and every time he wakes up from a nap. He is enthralled with watching her play and showing him how things work. They are going to be best friends, and I am so grateful that they will have each other for the rest of their lives.

I still feel that so much is missing. Yesterday I took a nap with Sadie and Landon in my bed and Sadie asked me to lay Sawyer's blanket across all three of us. It was a moment where that crowded bed suddenly felt so empty. My mind wandered to my sweet baby boy, what would he look like? What would he be like? Would he have blonde hair like his brother or bright, blue eyes like his sister? I wish I could know. I ache to know every day.