Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A new friend...

Recently, I've connected with another "NICU" mom online and it's been great for me.

She also has FVL and her first-born was in the NICU as well. She's been so kind to offer an ear to listen and she really understands. Also, she's going to help me out with forming a team for next year's March of Dimes Walk For Babies and I can't wait. I hope we can raise a lot of money. People might think I'm nuts, but I really do feel like this is why everything happened the way it did. I want to make a difference.

On another note - I really have gotten over a "hump" in my mental recovery. From Sadie to the horrible infection I suffered - I think I had a lot more emotional baggage to deal with than most women postpartum.

You really can never forget what happened to your child - but there comes a point where you have to embrace it and accept it for what it is. I've finally gotten there. Each day gets better and better. I'm not as depressed. I go out a lot more and I've been keeping busy with my projects for promoting healthy babies and awareness.

I only worry about the future...what will it be like when and if we have another baby. I really am worried about how I would be during another pregnancy. I want to take my own advice and not worry about what could happen (since I pretty much had everything that could have gone wrong - go wrong) but I can't imagine how I wouldn't worry. I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

I'm also really excited for this weekend. It's our family picnic and Shannon's baby shower (my cousin Terry's wife). I'm so truly happy for the both of them. My cousin Nicole is also pregnant - and I'm happy beyond words for her and Tony too.

Like my Aunt Mo' said - "It's like 1979 and 1981 all over again" - Between my mom and her sisters/in-laws - there were at least 10 of the 50-something cousins born!

Oh and for funsies - Sadie is the 26th great-grandchild for my grandma - and by the time Nicole has her baby - there will be over 30 great-grandbabies in the Shanahan Clan!!! Amazing!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Things in my head...right...NOW

It's almost August
Sadie is just about 6 months old
Just two months ago I was walking around with a wound vac
I still feel jipped out of those first weeks with Sadie
My back hurts
I want to try for another baby sometime late next year
I'm sick of Lucy waking us up at 5 a.m.
Wondering when Sadie will sleep through the night for a week straight
Wishes Erik could take a day off
Loves Sadie so much it makes me cry to think about it
Wants to finish the basement in a "Cabin" theme
Thinking I'll make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tomorrow
Wants to go swimming
Wishes that Tim's cancer will never come back
I'm tired

Not as easy as I thought...

In order to spread awareness about Factor V Leiden - I'm currently asking girls from the yahoo group and my myspace group to send in photos of themselves while pregnant, with their babies, etc...

A few girls in the groups have asked if they can send pictures of the "not-so-happy" stuff. I have received so many stories and pictures of babies that were stillborn or died due to complicatiosn related to FVL.

It's so hard to look at these pictures. I can't help but break down into tears after reading their stories, feeling their grief. But, I guess that's the reason why I have to do this. So people "get it" -Realize what we fear is real.

We were beyond lucky with Sadie. So much so that I feel a wierd, awkward guilt about it. I hope that this project is viewed by not only the people who HAVE this genetic defect - but the doctors, nurses and families of those afflicted by it. People need to know that more research is needed to treat pregnant women with FVL. Maybe, someday, no babies will be lost.

Typical Day

I don't know how I'm going to fit squash, peaches and beans in there.

A pic of Sadie (I send them to Erik during the work day)

Waste of a diaper

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I need a deep freezer

So the homemade baby food-making has spiraled out of control. I have so much frozen squash, sweet potatoes, cereal, bananas...yeesh.

That's on my wish list. A small deep freezer for the basement. Yay.

I have a lot of crap to do this week. Mop the kitchen, bath - sweep kitchen, bath - scrub down kitchen, bath - vacuum bedrooms - dust...and do a gigantic pile of laundry. Normally I would tackle the cleaning in one day - but my back seems to be getting worse by the day. I'm seeing another surgeon for a second opinion. Just think it's a good idea. If he thinks surgery is a go - I'm getting it done at St. Joes.

Anywho - We babysat Jacob today for miss Mary. He's such a sweetheart. Smiling and happy constantly. All he ever says is Maaaaaaaaamamamamaa and (my fave) nay. Nay nay naaaaaaaaay nay NAY.

I love it!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday Night

Baby James

sadie and i took a detour today on the way to grandma's and decided to see my big brother and her uncle - james.

he was the second of the tarrant kids, born almost to the day that sadie was.

looked like my mom and dad had been there earlier in the summer, because the grave had a lot of weeds growing over a few flowers that had been planted. i plucked the weeds and introduced sadie to james. i know in my heart he was one of the guardian angels looking out for her.

my mom seemed really happy that we stopped. i don't think any of my other siblings go much.

we love you baby james - always in our hearts.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sweet Potaters

i made sadie some sweet potatoes today. just so everyone knows...i bought three sweet potatoes that were HUGE and i think it cost me about $4 - anywho - these three taters made a massive amount of food. i mean, at least a month's worth.

so, i feel that this making of the baby food thing is going much better than imagined. carrots are next....then i think i'm supposed to go to the greens. tasty fun times!

The hardest thing about being a mom...

Is the stuff no one told me....

Had to put away baby clothes today.
Sadie is barely squeezing into most of her 3-6 month clothes, so it's time to wash and put away (forever???). It's always sad to put her clothes away. Always.

You hold up little onesies and sleepers and think "God, she just started wearing these a few weeks ago."
And here we are, at the end of July and I think where did the time go?

When I was pregnant it was a never-ending saga. I felt like I was pregnant for two years. Now, five months has gone by in an instant and thinking about it always makes me a little sad.

Some of her clothes I couldn't bear to put away. I always keep out one of her outfits from the NICU just to remind me of how lucky we are. She always wore one of three shirts. We tried to bring our own clothes from home for her, but they would have had to cut holes into everything for her to wear them. Poor thing wore the same darn clothes constantly! Maybe that's why it's so sad to pack up the old and start with the new.

Then my mind wanders into that part of the brain that ponders the thought of whether or not I'll ever open these boxes again. Will we have another baby? Another girl? A boy?!??! Who knows...but the best part about all of it is not knowing. Someday we'll have another baby - and I'm sure i'll be writing another sappy, sad blog like this. Sigh....

Monday, July 21, 2008


Powerpoint Presentation on Poop

When I was pregnant I made a Powerpoint presentation on Erik's computer and totally forgot all about it. I don't even really remember making it. Erik stumbled upon it today at work and I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

Why W’s Turds are more wicked than I.
Part one in a series.

Long Dumps = Strong Scent

When you take a dump for longer than five minutes,
the risk of a foul scent increases by each passing second.
Michelle often takes a dump quickly –
Erik takes a very long time while dumping.

Toilet Paper Consumption

Even if the poo is small in size or considered “a clean sweep,”
Erik continues to use obsessive amounts of toilet paper.

This hording technique often leads toward some sort of mental disorder in the dumper.
The Flush
A simple motion indeed –
Erik’s flush often results in clogs, blockage and overall plunger-required turds.
A solution to this ongoing problem would be to carry a portable plunger around at all times or decrease the amount of fat intake which would result in softer, more flushable turds.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Full circle

i think i've finally gotten over that "hump" when it comes to coping and dealing with everything that's happened since Sadie was born.

a long pregnancy, scary moments, c-section, sick newborn and the infection that never ended...all of these things combined with a body on hormone-overload made for some desperate, emotional moments.

when the worst is happening, it's hard to understand or see the reasoning behind it. i couldn't fathom why all these things were happening to us...but now i think i do.

maybe god looked upon us and thought we could turn the bad into good. so far, i've made a video about sadie and gotten her story up on the Children's web site. but, there's so much more erik and i want to do and are going to do. there are so many families who are going through and will go through the same experience we did. and there are so many more who will go through worse...the least we can do is make it a little easier on them. share our story, give back...listen.

i've come full-circle with a better understanding of our ordeal. it's a very peaceful feeling and i'm so grateful for that.

I got my own computer!!!!

After my old laptop caught on fire about four years ago - We had been waiting and waiting and waiting for a laptop to go on sale - with features and at a price we could afford. Finally - Walmart came thru for us and I have my very own laptop!

I'm really happy about it too. I think it'll make the day go by faster when Erik works until 10 oclock at night. Plus, I can chat with him online anytime of the day too. It gets lonely here sometimes!


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

BIG NEWS from Children's Memorial Hospital

In a few days - Sadie's story will be on the Children's Memorial web site for all to see! When we got her home from the hospital, I wrote a letter to the PR Director and he immediately wanted to put my letter - word for word - on the site.

I'm just hoping this is one of the MANY chances we get to say thank you and to GIVE BACK to such a wonderful organization. We still plan on being a big part of next year's March of Dime's Walk along with a few other tricks up our sleeves.

I just hope Sadie's story can inspire or motivate just one person to give to Children's. Just thinking of all the other babies up there who didn't get to come home as soon as Sadie did. Those families still need our support and love...I always pray for all the sick babies there. I know I always will.

Well, I'll be sure to post the link as soon as it goes "Live" and is all official!!!!

Ice cube food

I made Sadie squash today. The hardest part was basically waiting for it to cook. It took about an hour in the oven, and i didn't start till late because i wasn't about to light the oven in the middle of the hottest day of the year.

So, I just cooked it up - then scooped the "meat" and used my MAGIC BULLET to create "squash ala meshell"

Sadie will have a bite in the morning...

Two squashes made a lot. I froze most of it, and am refrigerating the rest for this week!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Acorn Squash

Tomorrow I will begin my adventure with homemade, all-natural, organic baby-food making!

I've decided to make all of my own food for Sadie - to save money but mostly for her own benefit. I didn't get to nurse her like I wanted, so I'm really excited about this.

Oh, and I discovered that they actually sell frozen squash at Jewel. It's more pricey than the acorn squash now (since it's in season) but way cheaper than buying the baby food. God, what a rip-off.

Wish me luck.

Monday, July 14, 2008


i'm really enjoying having my blog on here. i can upload pics/vids a lot easier. i will still blog on myspace, but i guess i'll just double post them from there to here. sounds good to me! here is a pic of my baby girl - sadie. she has learned to use both hands at the same time. go sadie go!

Lost Nations vacation


testing, one two three