Friday

I'm starting to get more and more scared about the surgery. Really, the surgery isn't too big of a deal. I had it done before. But, I'm just so damn scared of something going wrong since that's the way things seem to be happening for me lately.

I'm already very sad that I'll be gone from Sadie. Even though it's just for 3 or 4 days, it never gets easier. I hate saying goodbye to her. I hated being away from her when I had the infection. I hate not being able to take care of my own baby.

I know in a few weeks I'll be better. It's the anticipation that messes with your brain.

I think back to a year ago and if someone told me what was going to happen in the upcoming months, I would never have believed it - let alone thought I'd get through it.

I'm a firm believer in the fact that God only gives us what we can handle but that doesn't mean that I won't be an emotional wreck in the meantime.

I don't know what time the surgery is on Friday. They'll call the day before to let me know. I'm so thankful that Erik will be there with me through the entire weekend. He is my heart and compared to everything else we've been through - this should be a walk in the park (I HOPE!).