Thursday, September 25, 2008

Kinda hitting a wall

I really want to go home. My leg is really starting to bother me all over again...but it's probably because I've been doing way too much.

But, it's hard to sit there in a chair and just look at your baby play alone on the floor. It's hard to watch someone else feed her. It's hard to just sit there and do nothing. I feel pretty worthless.

My mom says I'm not - and I know that, but I don't feel it.

This is hard. I'm away from my husband at night. I go to try and calm Sadie when she's crying, but she just looks at me holding her arms out - wanting me to pick her up and I can't. Holding her is getting challenging because she's just getting bigger and not so baby-like anymore.

I pretty much hate this.

However, I'm starting to make plans for Sadie's first birthday party. And guess what? It's going to be big and over-the-top and I don't care. We didn't really get to celebrate her actual birthday - and a giant black cloud of sad hung over us for a while - so damnit - we're gonna celebrate!

On that note - I'm kinda happy all of a sudden. So off to bed I go.

*Confidential to my sister Mary - You always make me laugh when I need it most and I love you to death for it!


Myer said...

you'll get better soon. Don't overstress yourself!

Denise said...

Ahhhhh..... I remember the days of doing too much after surgery..... I know it's so hard to be patient when it feels like FOREVER as you recover. It stinks not having control over the healing of your body. I'm praying for patience for you as God is healing your body in His time. Even in this recovery, He is still in control and has a plan for you. Try to keep your heart and mind open to what He might be teaching you through this and don't let the evil one play with your mind....
Hugs to you, Michelle.