Monday, July 5, 2010

Yesterday was one of the worst of my life. Erik and I continue to keep trying as hard as we possibly can to make Sadie happy - to make each other happy. Except the thing is, we're not. I don't know who we're trying to kid more. Our friends and family? Or ourselves?

I'm at the point where I'm scared for myself. I don't care about anything. The reality of our lives is too much to carry. Too much to understand.

I want my baby. I need Sawyer.

Every night I pray to him. I tell Sawyer that I need him to come to my heart. That there is such a huge part of it that's missing and the only way to piece it together again is to feel the love and spirit of him inside of it. I love you Sawyer. I love you and think about you at every moment. I hope you're thinking of me too.

1 comment:

patss said...

Hi Michelle
I found you through a Twitter search and saw your post for today. I just wanted to tell you to try to hang on with all that you have within you and know that Sawyer is with you, even if you can't feel it all the time.

I have been where you are and I know how impossible it feels. My best thoughts are to put one foot in front of the other and don't expect too much from yourself - this is the hardest thing anyone could ever experience so just try to breathe and do the things that you have to do and things that can make you feel good.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.