Thursday, August 11, 2011

"Get over it"

I will never get over Sawyer's life or his death...

I will never get over making the decision to end my son's life.

I will never get over how it felt to hold a brand new baby in my arms, and watch him slowly die.

I will never get over the way he gasped for air and kept fighting for his life, while my husband and I watched in horror and disbelief, that he kept fighting to live.

I will never get over his nurse checking over and over to hear when his tiny, broken heart finally stopped beating.

I will never get over knowing that the last time I saw his sweet face and touched his soft skin, was when I had to put him into a tiny, black box from the funeral home.

I will never get over you, sweet baby. Never.

4 comments:

Kristine said...

And I'll never forget him. <3

Diane said...

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your baby son. Just came across your blog and I am deeply moved.

Steph said...

just stumbled upon your blog and sit with tears over my keyboard. I have an infant son and I can only imagine the heartbreak. Congratulations on the arrival on your new little one. Praying that you can find comfort in the darkest of days.

Cait said...

Michelle, I just want to say that I am so very sorry for your loss. I just found your blog. I would like you to know that my mother in law lost a child to SIDS in the 80s, and our family still remembers him. He's still a part of the family, and she thinks of him often. She still grieves, but she has found a way to incorporate it into her life and live with it. I pray that you will someday find peace. I am so, so, so incredibly sorry for your loss.

Cait