I've been having serious problems with my leg and back lately. It's at the same pain level that it was last summer, before my back surgery.
My hopes are that it is just an issue with scar tissue - or something that can be taken care of via pain killers that won't make me completely loopy and unable to take care of Sadie.
My worst fear is that it's my disc again, or the one above it. If it's the same disc (L5-S1) it means another surgery - but not like the ones before...worse.
It would mean a spinal fusion, complete with rods in my back and a recovery time of 6 months minimum.
This might sound completely selfish, but I don't know what I would do if it I had to have a spinal fusion. It would mean no brother or sister for Sadie. No sorting through our old baby clothes. No cuddly, sweet swaddling. I can't help but think it would be the nail in the coffin of my mind. I've been dealt a lot of hardship over the past year - and this would be the thing that I think could send me over the edge.
Knowing that I couldn't have another baby would break my heart in two. It really would. There's no other way to feel or explain it.