After an eventful morning full of potty training mishaps, Sadie ate her lunch and is sleeping now. We're going to the pool in town later today to swim - I'll just be watching, but anything is better than being here by myself.
We are going to start going to the "Empty Arms" support group for parents who have lost a baby at Morris Hospital starting in July. It gives us enough time between now and then to prepare for what group therapy is going to be like. By then, we'll be more than ready to go.
Tomorrow we're driving up to Merionette Park to a monument company to pick out Sawyer's tombstone. It's amazing the things you never in a million years thought about doing, let alone thought you'd ever do in your own lifetime. As much as I don't want to go, Erik and I have already tossed around a few ideas on epitaths and hope that the finished product is perfect for our son. Having control over a few things helps believe it or not.
A friend of mine who was also facing similar complications in her pregnancy (low amniotic fluid) had her son last week. While we were saying goodbye to our son, she was giving birth to hers. His name is Gabe and he is beautiful. He's a preemie, but holding up really well - even tolerating bottle feeds. I hope she knows that Erik and I are truly happy for her and thank God that our prayers for little Gabe were answered. He really is a blessing from above and we wish them all the love in the world.
I don't think the routine of our days will change anytime soon. We have our ups followed by deep, sad downs. Grateful doesn't even seem like a big enough word to describe how I feel about my husband. We listen to each other, we cry to each other, we hold each other. I couldn't do this alone and I'm so thankful for Erik and Sadie. I know the pain won't sting forever...