didn't sleep at all last night.
i kept thinking about sawyer and the first time i was able to see him. how soft he felt, and i kept talking to him over and over (in that sing-song voice only a mother can do) so that he knew it was me.
"sawyer? it's me, mommy. it's mommy. i love you sawyer."
i dont even know if he heard me, because of all the drugs. i don't even know what color his eyes were. and i had hope, for about what? 8 hours??
he's supposed to be here, he's supposed to be here - that's all i think about.